i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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