I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I could fuck to npr.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
