I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
did i walk over a car last night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
