You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
