they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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