He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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