I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
