i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
