I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
