Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
