Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
