Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize