Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
