I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
