i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
