please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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