Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize