All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
