they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
