eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
