O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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