Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
third nipple confirmed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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