my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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