the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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