4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
