so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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