I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize