idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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