my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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