and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she peed on how many people?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
