Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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