I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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