I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize