If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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