I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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