He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize