Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
