youre lurking in front of me
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Me too!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
