Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
