Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
