Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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