I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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