On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
