so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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