guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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