I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I see more hoeing in ur future
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
