did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
