Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My pussy is not your playground.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
