I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
