Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize