new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
