He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Help. Why am I so naked?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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