I think I died a long time ago.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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