When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
