yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
