I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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