i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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