Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
