I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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