There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
