I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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