I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He called his prostate his "boner button".
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
