Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
