a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
