you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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