i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize