Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
