I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
