hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
