Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
