look no pants
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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