can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize