allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
