See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
