ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
