making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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