I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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