you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
