**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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