batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I love you. Go after that dick
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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