so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
