I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
please come you make the beer taste better
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
