I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
