She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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