Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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