Where is the hickey?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
