By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize