An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
