I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
