I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
