Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize