if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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