Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
