I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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