I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
