My hand turned me down
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
