gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
