why do cheetos always look like penises
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
