I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
MIDGETS
????
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
