Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize