I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
