So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
