you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
