We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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