I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
