I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
We got so high we made milksteak
I love having hate sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
