Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
